The tough(er) exam session

Hey, it is exam time again! It's just like the previous one, except for the fact that it's unbearably both hot outside and inside, you have a summer to look forward to, and you gave up giving a damn about the whole thing a long time ago. But don't worry! My team of experts and I have prepared some very useful tips on how to succeed against all odds!

1. Drink a lot of alcohol


Do you know the warm feeling you get when you drink a lot of alcohol in the winter? Well, good news! It works the other way around in the summer, giving you the cool feeling you've been looking for. Of course, you might say that you have already tried it and it didn't work. The trick is that you must drink really-really much before it starts working. We especially recommend doing this exactly before the exam. Just imagine the situation. While all your peers will barely be able to think due to the heat, you'll be cruising through the problems with ease!

Extra Tip: The stronger the drink, the better. You don't want to be tortured by your bladder 3 minutes after the exam has begun. Avoid beer, and even wine, and go for vodka or absinthe instead.

2. Cheat!


...But make sure you spend hours and hours preparing your method. Yes, you could be learning in the same time, but that's not that useful, is it? After all, nobody will ask you to do a linear programming exercise on paper, or ask you about the Phillips Curve in the real life. On the other hand cheating is a skill you will use all the time! So invest your time and effort in something useful.

Extra Information: Studies have shown that with proper preparation the risk of getting caught is lower than the typical failure rate of condoms (which is one in six times)!

3. Rely on your instincts


The scientific community has long agreed on the fact that education does great physical and psychological damage. Focusing on just one specific thing at a time for a prolonged period reduces your intellectual capacities permanently. And learning is exactly about that!

What many often tend to underestimate is the inherent power of the human mind. If under enough pressure you can figure anything out - but only if you know nothing about it at all. Actually, everything you learn right now has been invented by someone just like you who, who had a bit of free time on his hand. His advantage, compared to you, was that he knew nothing in advance, he didn't have to sit through a plethora of stupid, endless courses and seminars on the topic (because they weren't invented yet) which would then go on to kill his individual thinking capabilities. And that's method you have to use too!

Don't pollute your mind with textbooks and explanations!  Walk up to the challenge, and unleash your natural genius during the exam. Several international studies have shown that generally the ones who get the highest grades at tests often don't even know how to read and write! And it is this pureness of the mind that is the key to their success.

Finally...Don't worry


Just look around you. Most of your colleagues are fucking idiots aren't that bright, are they? A common mistake is thinking in absolute terms, trying to get a certain fixed grade or a number of points, when actually you must think in relative terms. Do you feel slightly bad because you are pretending to study, but in fact doing something completely different? Well guess what! Everyone is doing that! Hell, if you are in a management group they probably won't even bother coming to the exam. So stop worrying, and start enjoying life!

Good luck with your exams!

Dr. Eckstein Filip
Learning Expert